Barry and Ursula are in their room at the Lonsdale Hotel in Margate.
BARRY:
Extremely difficult parking, not comfortable with leaving things in the car in this area. I'm tired now with such a lot of carrying required.
URSULA:
I've had a wonderful day though Barry. Not had so much fun since Mabel died. And check-in at reception was excellent. The corridors are a little pokey, as is this room - I hit my head on the TV.
BARRY:
The "water hammer" plumbing is well in evidence too. The lift had alarming door tendencies, so we won't use it again.
URSULA:
Well, it's ours for the moment, but no more. While we are in it, let's bring it to life.
Exit Barry to the en-suite. Barry turns on both taps in the bathroom, water gushes in the bath, the steam rises. He takes off his jerkin and picks up Ursula's diaphragm laying by the tap, shudders. He puts it back down.
BARRY:
(whispering) Now at last is the moment to make love to Ursula Pitt.
Barry enters the bedroom. Ursula understands, opens her arms and smiles. Barry takes his teeth out. They make honest, real and perfect love.
Afterwards
URSULA:
Shall we stay in the hotel for an evening meal? I'm not really that hungry.
BARRY:
God, no! All those rather dreary couples at the other tables. I'm ravenous. I'm also gay. I want to get rather pissed.
URSULA:
Oh go on Barry. I'm tired and I don't want to get lost tonight down one of those Margate alleys.
BARRY:
(Puts his teeth back in. Kisses Ursula) Anything for you baby,
Later in the restaurant.
BARRY:
What is the dessert?
WAITER:
Don't know.
BARRY:
Could you find out?
WAITER:
Before I take your order?
BARRY:
Fool!
URSULA:
Barry! Mind yourself.
BARRY:
What wines are available?
WAITER:
Don't know.
BARRY:
Could you find out?
Waiter disappears and comes back producing one bottle of red.
WAITER:
This is all that's available.
BARRY:
How much is it?
WAITER:
Don't know.
BARRY:
Can we agree a price?
WAITER:
Tenner?
URSULA:
Let's Dance!
****
Some days later
BARRY:
(On the telephone) I'm not in Swindon. I'm still in Margate.
URSULA:
(On the other end of the telephone) Still in Margate? What on earth for? Wouldn't the car start?
BARRY:
I can't explain. There was a stupid sort of mix-up...
URSULA:
What sort of mix-up? (suspicious)You weren't in a crash?
BARRY:
No, no, nothing like that...(silence)
URSULA:
Your voice sounds very slurred. Don't tell me you went and got pissed.
BARRY:
I thought...I thought I saw you, in a stretch limo, with Mabel Watson.
URSULA:
How could you have seen me with Mabel? You knew I'd gone to Bingo. And Mabel is ... dead. Really Barry, you are an idiot.
BARRY:
I'm not sure she is dead. I saw her last night disappearing into Margate caves wearing a little hi- viz rain coat and a pixie hood.
URSULA:
Oh Barry, catch the train back to Swindon, tomorrow, won't you?
BARRY:
Yes, of course.
URSULA:
I still don't understand what kept you in Margate...It all sounds a bit odd to me. However...thank God Roy is going to be all right and I'm here.
BARRY:
You better go (he could hear 'The Price is Right' in the background) My regards to the Brunel Plaza, and...Roy.
****
BARRY:
There has been a terrible mistake. I don't know how to apologise to you. I feel a fool.
DORIS:
I don't understand. My name is Doris, I don't know any Mabel.
BARRY:
A mistake, that's all. Sorry love.
POLICEMAN:
So this is all a pack of lies? This statement.
BARRY:
I believed it to be true. This woman is the spit of my dead friend Mabel. I could have sworn on Michael's Work-wear that I saw her with Ursula Pitt last night. Now I realise I was mistaken.
DORIS
I ain't been near no Ursula Pitt, I've been ill for days.
POLICEMAN:
So where is this Ursula Pitt now?
BARRY:
I think my eyes deceived me. I thought I saw Ursula but she's in Swindon, watching 'The Price is Right' with Roy, who's been sick, very sick.
DORIS:
Sick! How sick?
BARRY:
What's it to you?
POLICEMAN: (Points at Barry) You, are a very lucky man. This woman could file a complaint against you - a very serious matter.
BARRY:
Sorry...she looks just like Mabel.
DORIS
No problem. Come on, I'll walk with you out of here.
Barry and Doris exit
DORIS:
You did see me Barry. And Ursula too. But not last night. You saw us in the future.
BARRY:
I don't follow.
DORIS:
I'm psychic, but I can't talk here, don't want to go into a trance in the street. Follow me.
Later
Barry is down a dark Margate alleyway. He has seen the skinny woman in the yellow hi-viz rain coat and pixie hood again. He follows her.
BARRY:
It's all right Mabel. Come on, I won't let Spatz hurt you. It's all right.
The skinny woman in the hi-viz raincoat and pixie hood is crouching down in the alleyway.
BARRY:
It's all right Mabel (holds out his hand)
The skinny woman in the hi-viz raincoat and pixie hood stands to her feet, the pixie hood falls to the floor. Barry stares at the figure, his face turning from incredulity, to fear. The figure grinned at him and snapped a shot from his mobile phone causing Barry to flinch at the flash. When he came to, the figure was gone.
BARRY:
Fool! What a bloody silly way to be caught on camera.
